How about this rain

   

                                            

How about this rain....

  

maybe the world would be better off if all we ever talked about was the weather.  Don't get me wrong, it wouldn't solve everything because there are those of us that just crave an argument every now and then.  One person would say its going to be cloudy tomorrow, so someone would go out of their way to say that it would be stormy.  But it would eliminate 80.08% of all disagreements.  ( there is no scientific or mathematical theory or reasoning behind that number, it just looks like the word BooB if typed on an old school calculator )

The biggest loaded gun question to ever cross the threshold of our lips is "How was your day?"  Most of the time it is uttered without thought and with slight hope that the reply will be swift, nobody ever wants to be the one to light the powder keg.. But with that question uttered, the risk has been taken.. The dice has been thrown.

How was your day?

Fine...

( oh thank god, now abruptly either change e subject or get the hell out of there.. )

How was your day?

Well let me tell you...

( ahhhh shit.... I don't have the time for this nor do I even care about this... Just shut up please!!! )

How was your day?

I'll let you know in half an hour...

( what the fuck is that even supposed to mean... Don't expect me to ask again.. )

Now change is to the weather and everyone makes it out with enough time to make a sandwich, catch the game and even paint a freakin Pollock )

It really doesn't matter what we have to bitch about, things could always be worse, you just have to look at it in the right light.  Let me explain for you...

How was your day?

I got fired!

Think of all the free time you'll have now!

But I am broke!!

Well you could have always had your head cut off by a roller coaster..  ( Check  & Mate )

With weather, there are really only 3 responses to a question..

How about this sunshine!!

A) it's too hot...

B) I love it

C) I guess it's okay ( these people need a crotch shot.. Miserable little pricks )

How about this rain?

A) we needed it!!

B) too much, it can stop anytime

C) I guess it's okay. ( you're really asking for it aren't you??? )

Let me start is all over again....

Maybe the world would be better off if we never talked to each other... We are all narcissistic little whiners in our own way who crave the Facebook like on our life.  We ask question to get answers that will lead to a question being asked back so we can talk about what we really always want to talk about... Ourselves.   

Here's something to think about...

How WAS your day?? 

Sunscreen

Ladies and gentlemen, wear sunscreen.. If I could offer you only one piece of advice for your future, sunscreen would be it. Did you know that sunscreen is used for more then sun protection? Oh yes, much more!

It can remove stains from your driveway. It can be used as a cheap butter substance and if you leave an open tube of it in your fridge, it will keep it smelling tropical fresh for weeks.

The rest of my advice has absolutely no depth or substance to it but it does sound good when backed with funky hooks and beats on a high frequency of FM radio.

Pay no attention to the power that is the beauty of your youth... That way when you're old, you will still be happy. Remember, you are not as Phat as you think.. You are however, Super Fly!!!

Do not worry about your future because worrying is about as effective as nailing jello to a wall or trying to solve Algebra by chewing bubble gum. And why chew bubble gum when a piece of cardboard soaked in sunscreen makes for a longer lasting taste satisfaction.

Do one thing a day that scares the person you are stalking.

Sing. But don't release an album. Especially if you are Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan.. Actually, don't sing... Just hum loudly!!

Don't be reckless with someone else's heart, in fact put down any vital organs you may have, they are are play things for your amusement.

Stretch.

Floss.

Rebuild your desktop with the included tools and don't fully tighten all the screws until the end.

If Symptoms persist.. Call a doctor.

Get plenty if Calcium.. Don't eat it.. Just hoard that shit.

Be kind to your niece, you'll miss her when she's gone.

Maybe you'll marry. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children. Maybe you won't. Maybe you will dance the Funky Chicken on your 75th birthday. Maybe you feel like chicken tonight.. Like chicken tonight.. How should I know, I don't know who you are.

Enjoy your body. Use it every which way you can. Then bury it out in the yard with all the others.. Seriously, it's creepy how you keep a body in your house.. Who are you??

Dance! Even if you have nothing to dance to but a poorly written spoken word novelty song backed up by generic techno beats, kind of like Enya on Redbull.

Don't read Beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Don't read crossword puzzles because they will make you feel stupid.

Don't read carpet sample books, it's not that kind of book. Read Sunscreen!

Get to know your parents. Also, try to memorize where you live.

Understand that friends come and go but you have to stay here.. That's why it's called house arrest.

Lather.. Rinse... Repeat.

Live in Edmonton but then leave. Live in Los Angeles but then leave. Live in St Louis but leave before they even realize you're there. Retire in New York. HEY! You're Wayne Gretzky!!

Courtesy Flush!

Remember that advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past out of the trash, wiping it off, painting it a pretty pink, glue google eyes on it and keeping it on your desk for a while.. Then throwing it back in the trash.

But trust me on the sunscreen. Write to the sunscreen marketing board for more great gift and recipe ideas. You will also receive a free colouring book with 3 proofs of purchase.

Wear Sunscreen!!